jaanii:

one thing about me is that i am always on this fucking website

(via chohouse)

dandelion-grl:

you’ve got to be jeff the kidding me

(via theodericc)

noellevanious:

catboylabia:

noellevanious:

hey bro. is that your boobs in your shirt or is your penis huge and two of them

I love these posts,, incomprehensible

my post makes perfect sense, if you have the mind of a Dope Soul with a Grand Vision of the world, like I do

(via egberts)

salty-red-mage:

eightmickeys:

hxngmxnpage:

thegreenmeridian:

twinky-dinky-doo:

robhand:

b0gvvitch:

kurtamutual:

gordon ramsey: is the food good here?

underpaid server: 

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My favourite thing about that show is how he treats servers. It was also the source of some very intense fantasies when I was a barista of him busting into my cafe, calling my boss a fucking idiot, then taking me against the broken dishwasher.

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(via chocolateauthoress)

meow-moment:

spelldealer:

this cannot be a real fortune i just got

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CUSTOMER: KMS

DMV: Keep Mouth Shut, the golden rule

VERDICT: ACCEPTED

(via kymothy)

redbuddi:

whencartoonsruletheworld:

ghostlybluemuffins:

whencartoonsruletheworld:

disney when they spend exactly $2 promoting their new movie and release it during a busy weekend and then it flops

surprised pikachu faceALT
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@artist-heart83 There is actually a reason for this. A very disgusting and greedy capitalist reason but a reason nonetheless.

Basically, they are banking on it not doing well in theaters, but doing well on streaming services in October, over three months after the release date.

Most of the writers/actors/workers/etc paycheck depends on how well they do in theaters and the three months after the release.

Since it’ll fall in theaters and won’t pick up in streaming until after everyone has gotten (the majority of) their paycheck, they won’t have to pay their workers as much as their work is worth.

cool cool cool im making a molotov cocktail

this is pretty similar to the “fuck you it’s january” thing. january is generally a bad month for movies due to it being right after the holidays, so ppl have less money to spend on things like going to theaters. So if a studio has an upcoming film that they do NOT believe in, they usually drop it in january, tho nowadays they can also bank on it underperforming for reasons like the above.

(via scarlettaagni)

gender-trash:

gender-trash:

gender-trash:

i am! obsessed! with this book from the late ming dynasty about scams to watch out for (esp. if you are a traveling merchant). this guy is like, there ARE immortals who can survive without food but you WILL NOT encounter them because they live alone in the mountains and don’t talk to anyone. if a monk comes to your house and claims to not need to eat, it’s probably because he’s secretly eating human fetuses, or something. eunuchs are invariably corrupt and the court system is useless. however, do NOT try to bribe anyone for a better SAT result for your idiot failson; this never works. nuns WILL try to seduce your wife into cheating on you. if your idiot failson does really badly on the SAT, make sure to have his father’s remains buried somewhere with A+ fengshui; this is Guaranteed to work (unless your wife is cheating on you).

oh yeah and ofc there’s the classic pretending-a-cow-is-the-reincarnation-of-your-deceased-mother scam. watch out for that one

answers to frequently asked questions:

  • the book is “The Book of Swindles” (i’m reading the columbia university press abridged edition)
  • its actually not the SAT its the civil service exams but like. same difference
  • yes it IS unhinged and you SHOULD read it

(via kymothy)

prismatic-bell:

hoezier:

hoezier:

Do you write music with the view of being politically active and delivering a message or does it just happen and the rest follows? 

#this is a perspective I’ve only seen from people who truly think broadly and sympathetically about life#like he’s literally right I’m sorry and people who aren’t white or cis or straight learn so so SO early that your existence is political#not inherently but because white cishet men have crafted society in a way it’s impossible for it not to be#and ignoring that isn’t going to make you ascend above it god I’m so tired of having to explain that to people#I’m tired of people’s experiences in both places of privilege and place of oppression being used to scapegoat what we all can see#like look at his example!#‘going out for a dance on a Saturday night’ means something different if you’re poor if you’re gay if you’re a racial minority#’walking into a shop’ who owns it how often do you go is it a big box store or a small owned business is it walkable#there’s pOLitiCs in all of that! in ever aspect of your life!#ESPECIALLY if you take your life experiences and turn them into art of any form (via @twentyfour-mp3)

Friendly reminder that Hozier’s first music video, in 2013, involved him literally taking his life savings and using it to make a protest video about anti-gay actions in Chechnya. This was not a popular position at the time, to the point that damn near every interviewer asked “so, are you gay?” because they literally could not figure out why he cared so much.


Incidentally, after the first few times of saying “no, I’m straight but it’s important,” he started saying “you can think that if you want.” ALSO not a popular position at the time. Adam Lambert’s entire career had been derailed only four years before because he dared to be openly gay and sexual about it.


He literally came out swinging like Muhammad Ali and has not stopped. And he finds it odd that people find it odd! Like he was asked if he was aware of his “lesbian cult following” and seemed genuinely puzzled why he has a lesbian cult following (and, later, just a massive queer following in general) and it’s like. Honey. You loved us first. You loved us more and harder than most people were willing to. When it was unpopular to even whisper about how maybe queer people shouldn’t be seen as inhuman actually, you grabbed a megaphone and screamed. You risked not just losing a career, but never having one at all, to stand by us. You loved us. We’re just loving you back.

(Source: youtube.com, via theodericc)

Tags: hozier

muppethole:

muppethole:

i think we should all go back to carrying cheap little plastic mp3 players that look strangely edible and only hold like 200 songs

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listening to unwritten just as natasha bedingfield intended

(via chocolateauthoress)

segretecose:

if i was the dead wife in a male protagonist’s tragic backstory my dead wife hazy memory montage would be me laughing while scrolling my own tumblr blog

(via annabelle--cane)

20dollarlolita:

There’s a regular at the fabric superstore. She’s at least 80 years old, and she just got back into sewing after giving it up for 40 years. We’ll call her Irma.

I love Irma.

Irma is constantly surprised by the newfangled sewing gadgets our store sells. Today she bought some extra-fine glass-head pins and a magnetic pincushion. As I’m ringing her purchases up, she tells me very seriously, “did you know, if you’re careful, you can sew RIGHT OVER those pins? You don’t need to take them out!”

I told her that I liked that you can’t accidentally melt the head of the glass pins with your iron, and she nodded. “They used to all be like that, but times changed.”

I love old sewing machines and asked what kind of machine she has, and she goes, “Oh, it’s an old Singer Featherweight that my husband bought me when we were first married. It’s probably not worth anything anymore, but the thing sews fine. Have you seen the ones those girls over there–” indicating the sewing machine sub-store in my location “–have? Those things go in every direction and the needle always comes to the top when you stop sewing! Imagine how handy that is!”

I mention that I used to sew on my grandmother’s Featherweight but now there’s a intra-family war about who owns Grandma’s Featherweight and so no one gets to use it. It’s genuinely the best portable straight-stitch machine I’ve ever used.

I warn her to never let anyone tell her that Featherweight isn’t worth something. “I know, I miss my husband and it’s always going to have a place in my heart, just like your grandma’s.”

“I mean, Irma, there’s that, but they’re also worth a really notable amount of money. The Singer Featherweight is really financially valuable. I almost never see them for sale around here for less than about $400, and that’s in bad condition.”

“It’s a good thing my husband’s dead, honey, because if you told him that he managed to buy a sewing machine that’s worth more in 2021 than he bought it for in 1950, well, he’d be so smug that I just wouldn’t be able to tolerate driving home with him.”

(via rubythecrimsonwriter)